X-Files FanFiction: An Unrivaled Loss

Disclaimer I don't own the character's portrayed in this story, except for one that you won't recognize. They belong to CC and 1013 productions. If I did,I would strap CC down and make him tell me *all* about Bill Mulder and tell me what Cancerman's real name is! The poem used in this story was written by Robert Frost, I am only borrowing it.

Thanks to Tas and Vanessa for the encouragement to post this. Otherwise it would still be sitting here.

An Unrivaled Loss

By: Kim Adams
[email protected]

He had never know agony like this before. He thought watching his sister being taken from him was the worst pain that he would ever experience. He had been wrong. Those three months Dana had been gone had almost killed him. Even that could not compare to the pain he now felt. Agony, anger, despair, and regret all combined still could not accurately explain how he was feeling. He had lost her. There was no chance of her being returned to him like Dana was, or no future hope that she'd come back like he knew Samantha could. She was gone. He had watched as she breathed her last breath, and as the light in her eyes died.

He heard those around him offer condolences for his loss, but they were only words, nothing would bring her back. Nothing. Blocking out those around him, he thought back to the last few hours with her. The memories were so clear and so vibrant, remembering them made the pain worse.

******

"How are you?" He tried to not let his emotions slip into his voice. She always knew when he was sad. "Okay." The voice was so weak and low, he had to strain to hear it. Fox sat down beside the bed and held her hand in his. *It's so small.* "Where's mommy?" Those crystal blue eyes looked up at him with such love it brought tears to his eyes. *No tears, not in front of her* "She's with the other doctors. She'll be here soon." "Daddy, will you tell me a story? One of your funny ones?" Again those eyes, so innocent so unaware of what was happening. "Sure honey."

******

As Fox sat telling a story to his daughter, he never noticed Dana standing in the doorway with tears running down her face. She never thought the day would come when all their losses would seem a minor insignificant thing. Both of them had lost so much over the years. At times they could hardly hold onto each other. Now before her very eyes, Fox and Dana's daughter was dying. There was no government conspiracy involved, no alien DNA, and no mysterious unknown virus. She was simply dying. She had a inoperable brain tumor. They had tried all that medical science had to offer, but in the end they could not stand to see her suffer anymore. So when the doctors had said they could do no more, they knew it was time. Time to let her go.

******

"Daddy, is Uncle Walter here?" She asked. "Yes, he is. Do you want to see him?"
"I want to hear one of his stories, to."
"Okay, I'll go get him." Fox said as he kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Missy."
"I love you, Daddy."
Those were words that Fox never thought he would hear. Now they only tightened the strangling grip on his heart. He never
thought that the pure joy of her birth would be rivaled by the agony of her death.

******

As Fox walked out the door, he felt rather than saw Dana waiting outside the room. Their eyes met. Words had
never carried as much importance as the unspoken bond between the two did. Words seemed so insignificant to them now,
words could change nothing that was happening. Fox pulled her into his arms. They held each other tight needing to
draw strength from each other. Fox, buried his face in her hair, needing to feel her close to him.
"I love you, Dana." he said softly in her ear, as the tears he held back were freed.
"I love you, too, Fox." she said as she pulled him tighter as if trying to absorb some of his pain.
"Dana, she wants to see Walter." Fox said as he struggled to regain control of his emotions. Each time he gave into them, it
got harder to push them back.
"Fox...." she wanted to say something, but the words would not come.
Fox reached out and lightly wiped the tears from her face.
"I'll go get him. She asked where you were. Go on in and be with her."
"But Fox, I need to talk to the doctors. I need to..." Dana said almost urgently.
"Dana, we are losing her. Don't lose the last few hours we have with her." he said as the ever
present lump in his throat grew. "Dana, we are going to lose her. There is nothing we can do to prevent it."
"Oh God Fox. I don't want to lose her." Dana cried as the tears fell again.
Fox pulled her into his arms again, "Go be with her. I'll get Walter."
******

They were all there. Fox thought. All the people that were an important part of their family. Family. That was
something that Fox never thought he would have. Here he was in a room with all those he loved, waiting for his
beloved daughter to die. Waiting. There was nothing left to do but wait and prepare to mourn. He glanced around
at those gathered in the hospital room. Walter Skinner, his friend and the godfather to his child; Margaret Scully,
the woman he thanked daily for bringing life into his world--if not for Dana his life would have been void of any
meaning, and of course, Dana. Dana had been his life line to happiness for so long that without her, he knew he would
die. And then there was Missy, she had brought such joy into his life for the past five years, joy that he was sure
he would never feel again.
Dana sat on the bed with the Missy in her lap, Fox was there next to her holding on tightly to his daughters hand.
They could hear her last strangled breath and then the steady beep of the machines--she was gone. As tightly as they could,
they held her. Soft sobs of agony could be heard as the four mourned the passing of one so young and so loved.

******

Before the grave she stood. She could feel his approach without turning to see him.
"Dana, lets go home." Fox said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"I don't want to leave her." Dana said softly.
"She isn't here, Dana. You know that. Its time to go." Fox said again as he steered Dana away from the grave site.
Fox looked back one last time to read the tombstone at the grave of his daughter.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Melissa Samantha Mulder

The End

This page was created on October 23, 1997
This page was last updated on January 14, 1999

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